| |
| |
|
Humor Information |
|
|
|
When Humans and Dogs Collide: Negotiations for Todays Changing Times
This morning I decided to find myself. I originally looked forward to the spiritual journey that would define who I was as a person. But then I looked into my mirror and realized that the person I saw in that mirror was me. So I then figured, why spend all this time finding myself when I already know where I am? Since I allotted around 80 years for this quest and finished it in about eight seconds, I had some free time that I needed to devote to a cause. I had a great idea: I would purposely drop a dog so that the owner of that dog would ask me what I was doing, to which I could respond, "Well, my cause was to see your reaction and my effect was, indeed, your reaction." This would make my cause and effect almost the same. But I had to give up on trying this experiment, because - after all - where would I possibly find a dog? Dogs are funny individuals in that people claim to love them, but when it comes down to it, we have so many negative terms which revolve around them. For example, if you are told that you are being sent to the doghouse, that doesn't mean you are being tossed to an area of luxury. More so, you will be sent to the same place as the dog, some small area consisting of a leaky roof and a food bowl. Although owners try to convince their dogs that this is some sort of fantasy land, the reality is that most owners wouldn't want to spend more than 15 minutes in one. Those who do spend more than 15 minutes are only doing so because they are stuck in the location... On the other hand, we also have the sporting statement, "Hey, buddy, I dogged you in that race." Of course the statement can exist without the "hey, buddy," but what fun would that be? Such a statement means, basically, that one person defeated the other in a race in such a way that a dog would defeat a human. Now, this is the opposite of the doghouse reputation, because here the dogs are given more credit than humans as opposed to less. This could only mean one thing: the dogs negotiated this with the humans in order to assure respect from the general populace... But who are these dogs? And, more importantly, who were the humans asked to negotiate? I don't have a problem with dogs, but if we are going to negotiate with them, I think we should send some of our best humans to do so. Otherwise, imagine the potential chaos: Human: Okay, so let's negotiate here. Dog: How about you give us the power to speak, like I am right now, and we will allow you to rename tree covering to "speak" instead of "bark"? Human: You are too fair. Let's do that immediately. But to make sure you are not getting ripped off, we will throw in some table scraps from an all-you-can-eat-restaurant where everyone thinks they are bigger eaters than they really are. Dog: Agreed. Human: Bark! But I digress. Greg Gagliardi is a teacher and writer. His stream-of-consciousness weekly humor column, "Progressive Revelations," has been ongoing since 1998. (http://www.ProgressiveRevelations.com)
MORE RESOURCES:
Notice: Undefined index: TITLE in E:\domains\e\epiconline.co.uk\user\htdocs\adsense-pages\humor\inc\rss.inc on line 103 Google News |
|
|
|
RELATED ARTICLES
Discover the Lighter Side of the Internet We all know the Internet is a great tool for finding out information and sharing knowledge. But as a human sometimes sitting at a computer all day can get quite tedious, especially if it is your job 5 days a week. Slip-sliding On A Peel Every day, or at least every other day, we make a fruit smoothie at mid morning. Almost without fail, these smoothies contain bananas; so, we go through about 10 or 12 bananas a week. American Independence - The True Story It was late in 1775, and King George III was at Buckingham Palace, sitting in reflective mood on his commode. His 13 year old son Prince George (yes, they were very imaginative with their names, those royal types), was sitting on the floor nearby, otherwise occupied with the 18th century equivalent of Game Boy: a model soldier with a rifle sat on a model elephant, shooting at a model tiger two planks of wood away. Beyond Black and White Over visiting a neighbor the other day?"Would you like a cup of coffee?" he asks. "I just roasted the latest batch. [Not So] Outgoing Mail I am currently perplexed by the concept of outgoing mail. I mean, I understand it in theory, but today I tried talking to it and it didn't even respond. The Jokes On You -- Who Should be the Butt of Your Jokes? This article was prompted by something I heard (second hand) about the performance of a local magician at a child's birthday party. Now, granted, this wasn't done by a clown, but I've seen clowns doing similar things. The Work-from-home Fashion Primer Last week, I reported how writers, stay-at-home parents and online marketing geeks had chosen careers as hermits:http://www.thehappyguy. Voodoo Munchies Looking for a lighthearted and fun way to remove the negative energy of a certain disruptive person from your life, or from your mind, if the person in question has moved on? Consider the cleansing (and giggle-inspiring) effect of Voodoo Munchies. Beginning now, whenever you need to deal with this person or the dirty bathtub ring of negative vibes they left in your head, bake a cake or a cookie (depending on your eating habits and kitchen skills) and decorate it with this person's name and or likeness. Humor Under The Keyboards For me, the piano is the symbol of what is stiff, proper and elegant. It doesn't have faults, it is perfect. Very Precise Fortune Cookies I cracked open the fortune cookie and read the little slip of paper on the inside. Immediately I realized that it had been written by a weather forecaster. 11 Alternative Garden Games Tired of the same ol', same ol' when it come to entertaining your garden party guests? Weary of boring badminton and jarts? Croquet not your style? Then you're in the right spot! Here are games sure to make your next party the hit of the gardening social season!Icebreakers Game #1: The Gnat Slap Equipment required: A garden of any size. As your guests arrive, invite them for the obligatory 'stroll through the garden'. Dog Poo - And You Thought You Had Problems In Southern Germany in a town by the name of Bayreuth, the German police are in a quandary. The town's dog poo is under attack. Psychiatric Psychiatrist - A Joke on Psychiatry A few weeks ago I went to see a psychiatrist.We talked about how I was feeling. Wanted: Treadmill for an Elephant Maggie, the 22 year-old African elephant, has been a resident of the Alaska Zoo since 1983. The Zoo recently decided that Maggie needs nicer quarters, more attention, and a treadmill. Sweet Vengeance Purrfected I love animals but cats are my favorites. There's just something about them that makes me relate to them so easily. Cheer-Leadership or All I Need to Know About Business I Learned from Cheerleading Thanks to teen movies, many people have this stereotypical idea of cheerleaders as being ditzy and mean. However, there are a great many life-lessons that can be learned during your time on the team that have surprising application in the business world. Your Stars Part 3 LibraHit TV show 'The X Factor' is back on our screens giving us all a rare, legitimate chance to laugh at the mentally ill during the audition stages. In this PC berserk world we now live in, such an activity has become scandalously frowned upon so it's only right to thank ITV for reviving this tragically forgotten pleasure by switching on in your droves. Starbucks Going into Hilton Well, I hope you did not read that headline wrong, Crew Member Starbucks is not doing Paris Hilton. What I am saying here is Starbucks will now be offered in some Hilton Hotels. 25 Reasons You Might Need to Wear a Welding Helmet A welding helmet is a safety device worn for protection while one is welding; however, there are definitely many other uses for a welding helmet. A welding helmet is a very practical that should be found in every home. Mexican Spaminator When we decided to move to Mexico, one of the most exciting things that popped into my mind was that I would get a new Internet Service Provider and finally get off the 300,000,000 Spam lists that I was on. I thought for sure I would go insane if I received one more "How to Enlarge Your Manhood" piece of Spam-as if I needed to do that anyway (yeah right).
|
| home | site map |
| © 2006 |
